Fatherhood for Gay Men by Kevin Mcgarry

Author:Kevin Mcgarry [McGarry, Kevin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781317766155
Publisher: Taylor and Francis
Published: 2022-06-04T00:00:00+00:00

Medical Reports

Along with your referral should come a medical report and a photo of the child and an approximate travel date. The photo is possibly the most powerful item that passes between the parties in the adoption process. When you first see a photo (now, it is usually on a computer screen), you find yourself saying, “Oh my God, isn’t she or he beautiful?” In my case, Don sent me three photos with some paperwork by overnight mail and I looked at them over and over again. I showed them to family and friends and guarded them with great care. In one of the photos, Andy was wearing dainty mittens. Already, I discovered that I was a worrying parent, because I sent a message to Don, asking if the baby had all of his fingers and toes—not that it would have mattered if he didn’t. I got a quick response saying that he did, and that the mittens are put on newborns to protect them from scratching themselves. I realized then that, through telecommunication from afar, I was doing my own version of counting fingers and toes that biological parents do while marveling over their newborn child.

The medical reports are often cryptic. They may include words such as “healthy boy” or “no physical problems.” They may have the results of several blood tests, such as for hepatitis, syphilis, and HIV. This is where your leap of faith begins. How can you trust these simple words and/or results on a piece of paper that is supposed to describe the relative health of your child of whom you may have only one picture? For me, I had to trust the document and realize that it is better than no medical report at all. I know that I could not fully trust these results until I got back to the United States and had Andy and Vincent tested by their pediatrician. I also knew that most of the babies coming out of Vietnam are healthy, so that was in my favor.

Some parents may ask for another referral after reviewing a medical report, because for whatever reason, they could not take that child. If an infant, once in the system, he or she most likely will be adopted by someone. Adopting is extremely personal and if it doesn’t feel right, the adopting parent(s) should wait until it does. The downside is that you’ll have to wait a bit longer and/or your agency may become a little impatient with you if this happens a few times. Your homestudy should be the overriding document, however, because you were clear about what you wanted and what you could handle. During the homestudy process is when these decisions should be made, not later. If you feel pressured by your agency to take an unhealthy child, refer back to your homestudy to look at how you felt at the beginning of the process.

Hopefully you will get an approximate travel date with your referral. This will allow you to plan

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